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February 20, 1839 should be marked as a day of infamy in American history. Congress banned the practice of dueling in the District of Columbia.

 

 

February 20, 1839 should be marked as a day of infamy in American history.  On that historic and infamous day, Congress banned the practice of dueling in the District of Columbia. 

With that historic vote, we ended the one purifying element in the U.S. electoral system.  As a result, we have the well established, bought and paid for Congress that exists today 

Just imagine if duels had been allowed to remain legal.  How many entrenched congressional representatives and senators would have been eliminated?  Seniority would no longer be an issue. 

Since refusing a duel was considered cowardly, our congressional representatives could not decline to duel since it would doom their chances for reelection. In addition, no elected official would want to stay around too long since age would slow them down and make them easy targets. 

Just imagine in your mind's eye if dueling were made legal, the majority and minority leaders of the House and Senate facing off at 12 paces early one morning in D.C. - it boggles the mind. (It would also be great television.)

No one would want to be committee chairpersons since younger, newly elected representatives and senators would be challenging them to duels all the time.  Entrenched seniority would be meaningless. 

Just think about it – this would be better than term limits! No one would be willing to bankroll an election.  Their investment could be lost very quickly with a well-placed shot from a dueling pistol.  Imagine a Congress constantly purifying itself with new blood - the electorate would have their legislature back.  

One valid criticism is that no elected representative would do anything for fear of becoming controversial and ending up in a duel.  It seems to me that would be a lot better than what we have now. 

I would hope that a group of patriotic American citizens would form a committee for the restoration of legalized dueling in D.C.  It could be the beginning of the saving of the U.S. democracy. 

Brother Giovanni for Pizzaonian News Network

On This Day: Dueling Outlawed in DC 

http://www.findingdulcinea.com/news/on-this-day/Feb/On-this-Day--Dueling-is-Outlawed-in-D-C---.html

Editor's note:  Brother Giovanni has returned to Pizzaonia and his new assignment as public relations director for Pizzaonian conglomerate, Pizza digogo DiVinci.  This editorial is his last assignment for the Worldonian Bureau, Pizzaonian News Network. 

Abe Surdity, Bureau Chief for Pizzaonian News Network, Worldonia

Brother Giovanni named public relations director for Pizzaonian Pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo DiVinci- returns to Pizzaonia permanently.

It is with mixed emotions that I must say goodbye to my friends in Worldonia (aka United States) and return to Pizzaonia permanently.

I have been appointed the public relations director for Pizzaonian pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo DiVinci.  This appointment should help relations between the monasteries and the pizza conglomerate, which can at times be tense. 

Since I am a former Supreme Pizzaonian, I retain some credibility with all points of view.  Brother Franco convinced me my return would be good for all of us. 

Actually, I am looking forward to it. I must confess I miss Pizzaonia.  I miss the tranquility of a beta-world country. There is no way to explain this unless you have been there. 

Therefore, with regret, I say goodbye to Worldonia and my friends here.  You will still here from me in my new position since I will be very active in Pizzaonian affairs.  One of our major undertakings will be to market Pizza digogo DiVinci’s miracle mozzarella pizza in the United States and China.

So until we meet again -- thank you for everything.

Brother Giovanni

P.S. I thought I would share with you a note I received from one of our monks who recently portalized to the United States from Pizzaonia.  I have softened his language where appropriate. It easy to imagine what words he actually used. 

Reflections on my life since portalizing to Worldonia. (aka Untied States)

Brother Giovanni, 

I am sure like most people in Worldonia you have read all the things you should be doing to lead a fuller, more satisfying life.  Strange, before I decided to start reading and hearing about this stuff, I thought I was leading a full and satisfying life.  Boy was I wrong! 

Even though I thought I was relatively happy, I soon learned I was miserable because I was not trying to fulfill some destiny. I lived most of my life believing that destiny did not give a tinker’s dam about anything I did.  Little did I know? 

Apparently, one of the things I missed out on was being creative. The various TV, gurus, sundry book writers and motivational speakers convinced me that my delusional happy and satisfying existence was the result of casual indifference to the real problems of life.  All of my contentment was misguided, because if I were truly aware, my lifestyle should be making me miserable. 

As you can imagine, it did not take too long for me to be convinced that I was miserable. This meant one thing.  I would have to be creative. I would stand up and be the man I was meant to be. 

Well, I am in the first week of my newfound adventure of finding my creative self.  In five short days, I went from being a relatively well liked, ordinary person to a first class jerk.  This creativity stuff is very powerful. 

I am now attempting to do a quick reverse and become my old self again.  Most of my new friends still run from me when they see me coming, but there is some hope.  My newly adopted cat is sitting on my lap again and looking reasonably content.  Destiny is just going to have to go on without me. 

Sincerely in solidarity, your brother, Dimitri