Today, scientists at the Pizzaonian Institute for the Revitalization of Human Endeavor announced the successful completion of clinical trials for their revolutionary apparatus know as the Compostatronee.
We have known for centuries through empirical observation that virtually all adult human beings end up frustrated and cynical towards life. However, up to now, there was no scientific proof to substantiate this observation.
This condition seems to overcome all adults as they face life’s problems. For some, the condition develops quickly, for others longer, but inevitably all humans are affected by this condition. As a result of this unfortunate phenomenon, humans have been plagued for centuries by war, famine, hatred, prejudice and now, television "sit-coms."
But until now, the only cure for a person to reinvent themselves was through their own resources and energy, something very few people could do since cynicism had already overcome them.
It has been well known for years by Pizzaonian evolutionary scientists that the secret of the successful life is the need for human beings to completely reinvent themselves every five to seven years.
Regardless of the situation, be it relationships, career, everyday attitudes toward life, or the perception of the good life, the need for human beings to continually reinvent themselves is the key to staying fresh and vital in all human endeavors.
Like all ideas that eventually revolutionized human behavior, the idea that gave birth to the Compostatronee was the simple observation by a Pizzaonian gardener while working at the Institute that “all plant life was born again through the process of composting.”
Lead scientist, Leonardo Pizzaonius, who overheard the remark thought to himself “why not compost people and make them new?” Obviously, composting as we know it, cannot be used for this purpose, but Professor Pizzaonius became obsessed with the idea and could think of nothing else from that moment on.
And then the break through came. One day after thousands of observations and experiments by Professor Pizzaonius and his colleagues, they detected the existence of a nano, nano, narrow light band*existing between the visible light and infrared spectrum.
From that observation, the Compostatronee was born. Our next article will discuss how this revolutionary discovery allows humans to effortlessly reinvent themselves.
Brother Giovanni, Worldonian Bureau Chief, Pizzaonian News Service.
* Known professionally as the NNNLB phenomenon, or as it is more commonly called: “THE TRIPLE N, L, and B
