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Pizza giant proposes health care reform plan that could break the deadlock

Pizza digogo divinci today revealed a plan to break the deadlock in the buyout negotiations between the monastery and the pizza conglomerate. The Pizza giant said they will assume all debts and liabilities of the bankrupt monastery, including health care if the following points can be agreed upon:

 

The health care plan will be in two parts.  First all routine medical care for the monks will be provided.  Second, all catastrophic illness (catastrophic is defined as any condition costing more than $2000) will be covered by the faith healing amendment to the plan.

 

All MDs currently providing services will be grandfathered into the plan and will have both designations after their name:  MD and FH (Faith Healer).  A conglomerate spokesperson said, “this plan creates comprehensive and affordable coverage to everyone.  This could be the breakthrough that others will quickly adopt when they see how complete and cost effective this system is”.

 

Once agreement is reached on the basic health care proposal, it is assumed the details will be worked out by a joint committee of monks and Pizza digogo representatives.  If this contentious issue can be resolved other issues such as the division between faith and bakery operations should follow quickly.

 

As of now there is no comment from the monastery.  More as it develops.

Faith healing option necessary to resolve health care crisis

Pizza digogo divinci announced in a surprise press release they were ready to continue the negotiations to purchase the monastery if the monks and Brother Veronica will resolve the health care crises.  At issue is the faith healing option for catastrophic illness that Pizza digogo insists must be part of the purchase agreement.

 

Other matters such as the control of pizza recipes, royalties, and separation of faith and bakery issues have shown significant progress towards agreement and final resolution.

 

However, still unresolved is the “faith or pizza” issue raised by a dissident faction of monks led by Franco.  Brother Veronica attempted to silence Franco but that was unsuccessful.  Franco claims “we already have the faith what we want to see from Pizza digogo is the cash that will make this deal work”.  When asked if he would consider the faith healing option as a way to reduce health care costs Franco was adamant in his opposition at this time.

 

Meanwhile the International Conference of Pizza Monks (ICPM) is now meeting and will release a statement soon.  More later as it develops.

Pizza digogo walks out of the negotiations

In a surprise announcement the international conglomerate, Pizza digogo divinci, threatened to pull out of the negotiations to buy a controlling interest in the monastery.

 

The news stunned both the monks and the pizza world since it is presumed the pizza miracle recipes now controlled by Brother Veronica would give Pizza digogo a significant competitive advantage in the emerging global pizza market. 

 

Where this leaves the monastery with pending bankruptcy looming in the near future is uncertain.  Brother Veronica was quoted as saying “to be pizza rich and cash poor has become very frustrating”.

 

The dispute that caused the breakup in what originally was reported to be a cordial atmosphere is again over the issue of the monastery’s health plan.  A Pizza digogo representative stated forcefully there was no way the conglomerate could assume the cost of the current plan.  “The projected costs are not sustainable” was his final word.

 

A special committee was appointed to see if they could work through the impasse.  The news was received with mixed emotions by the monks.  The current turmoil within the monastery over the “pizza or faith” issue remains unresolved.

More later as it develops ----

First news from pizza conference

We just a received a press release from the International Pizza Conference presided over by a panel of monks representing the pizza capitals of the world. . All of this is taking place while the monks at the monastery have been edgy and near revolt while waiting for word as to their fate.

It is generally assumed a decision would be reached today by the panel as to whether Pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo Divinci, would be allowed to buy a collateral interest in the monastery and gain control over Brother Veronica’s miraculous margarita, pepperoni and salami pizza recipes.

If Pizza digogo Divinci is allowed to buy the monastery it would be historically unprecedented since no monastery has ever been owned by a for profit company.  It begs the question can faith and free enterprise co exist in a religious institution?  A large constituency of monks led by Franco believe it cannot and call this move an appomination that violates everything they stand for.

As to the press release we are informed that progress is being made and that a conclusion would be reached soon.  It is generally believed the panel is leaning toward a buyout since the founder of Pizza digogo Divinci has been a loyal sponsor of the International Brotherhood of Pizza Monks, an elite panel that investigates the authenticity of pizza miracles.

Meanwhile Brother Veronica presides over a monastery that is near bankruptcy and pending revolt while waiting for word that will resolve the split.   More later as it develops……..

 

Brother Veronica faces crisis in leadership

Brother Veronica faced with unprecedented challenges to her leadership of the monastery called a press conference this afternoon to calm some of the fears of the monks as well as those of their potential corporate sponsor, pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo Divinci.

Brother Veronica told us pending bankruptcy has been temporarily avoided by the generosity of the pizza conglomerate who agreed to pay the current bills in order to keep the monastery from an imminent and unprecedented takeover by the courts.  Unofficially, it is rumored this supposed act of generosity was motivated by the promise they would receive the margarita pizza recipe as collateral. 

Regardless, this reprieve has removed some of the immediate pressure and will allow time to focus on resolving the now open revolt by some of the monks. Franco who seems to be the leader of the uprising has expressed concern with the philosophy of the current leadership and will be meeting with Brother Veronica later this week.  Extreme displeasure with the state of their health plan and the potential "pizza for profit" affiliation with Pizza digogo are at the heart of the rank and file monk's disagreement.

Since the treatment for Brother Timothy's mental illness "fictitiousis" brought the monastery's to bankruptcy, the health plan remains at the crux of the problem.  Unknown to us at the time is this form of mental illness, "fictitiousis"(defined as not being able to deal with being fictitious), may be contagious and could spread to other monks who live in close contact with each other.  This would cause the financial collapse of the monastery and the end of its three hundred year history as the only viable fictitious monastery in the world today.

Brother Veronica reminded us that he inherited these problems from his predecessor and the solutions would have to be radical and bold if the monastery is be saved. When asked if sexism could be a factor in the monk's reaction we were quickly rebuffed and told that is not a topic for discussion.

Only passing reference was made about the pending international pizza conference and the effect this might have on the monastery's future.  Obviously, what was not stated is the radical shift in philosophy that could take place with a pizza conglomerate having final say on the spiritual direction of the monks.

Brother Veronica promised we would have an opportunity to speak with Franco later this week.  No comment is all we got when asked where Giovanni stands on these issues.  This fuels the speculation that the "pizza" split between Franco and Giovanni is as serious as previously thought.  More later, as it develops.

 

"Pizza or Faith"? asks Franco.

"Pizza or Faith"? asks Franco. A raging debate that threatens the very fabric of the monastery has raised its ugly head behind these cloistered walls. As the monks become concerned over the outcome of their health plan, the pending takeover of the monastery by the pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo di Vinci, has split the very fabric of this faith community.

Loud chanting could be heard through the night.  "Pizza or Faith" has become the battle cry of those who believe things are happening too fast.  Franco was able to get this message to me.  "It's taken 300 years to develop this community, why does this issue have to be resolved with such haste.  We need more time to digest the pizza takeover."  (No pun intended)  Franco now leads a major revolt that seems to be growing everyday.

Brother Veronica now faces a crisis of leadership.  The fact that his considerable pizza making skills created this problem does not help his credibility since the rumor is now circulating that Brother Veronica has undisclosed ties with the pizza industry.  Brother Veronica warns that the pending bankruptcy is real and must be dealt with now.  "If the opposition has solutions that are better we would like to hear them" he said with obvious exasperation.

It is hard to believe the unprecedented break with tradition that Brother Veronica's appointment as headmaster represented such a short time ago could have disintegrated so rapidly.  

More as it develops.

 

Brother Veronica denies pizza takeover

Brother Veronica called a hasty press conference to deny the monastery had been sold to the international pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo di Vinci.  He did say informal talks had been held but nothing conclusive came from those discussions. 

We are told by a reliable inside source the Pizza conglomerate is interested in the recipes for the pepperoni and margarita pizzas developed by then kitchen helper, Veronica. The now famous miracle of the likeness of Arch Bishop Timothy appearing in the center of  12 of the pizzas as they were taken form the oven led to the appointment of Brother Veronica as the new headmaster.

In addition, the pizza miracle will be investigated by a panel of monks representing the pizza capitals of the world.  Not only is the reputation of the monastery at stake, but also the public image of the international pizza industry.

All of this takes place under the cloud of impending bankruptcy of the monastery caused by the medical bills incurred by then Brother Joseph's (now Arch Bishop)mental illness.  Brother Veronica made it clear they would have to address the health plan of the monastery since it was the cause of the financial problem they now face. He was emphatic in stating there could not be a permanent financial conclusion without addressing and solving the heath care plan.

Meanwhile the monks are very concerned about the future of their health plan. They are holding all night vigils for a successful resolution.

More later as it develops