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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at PIZZAONIAN@YAHOO.COM
SUBJECT: Wall Street “Inside Job”
Today PNS Headline News recommends you view the web site below for your own information. We warn you, you read at your own risk.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at PIZZAONIAN@YAHOO.COM
SUBJECT: NEW HEADLINE NEWS SERVICE ANNOUNCED BY PSN, PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE
In a joint announcement the Pizzaonian Monasteries and Pizza digogo DiVinci, international pizza conglomerate, revealed today the start of a daily headline news service by PSN.
This service will produce headline news without content and meaning on a daily basis. “The only way to compete in today’s news market is to be more like our competitors and focus on short, meaningless news items." said representatives from Pizza digogo DiVinci.
PSN will announce the new director of Headline News tomorrow. The search for someone who could write meaningless headlines and have them sound important has been an extensive and worldwide search. PSN now believes they have found that person.
An announcement, naming the new headline news bureau chief, is expected tomorrow.
Pizzaonian News Service where all the news is reported, whether it is news or not, without bias or inclination to check the facts.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at PIZZAONIAN@YAHOO.COM
SUBJECT: Pizzaonians declare all people must be “green” by 2012.
In still another stunning announcement, Hypri Condrati, Pizzaonian Minister of Health announced that all Pizzaonians would have to be certified “green” by the end of the year, 2012.
“This will put us in the forefront of the “green” movement. There will be no place in either universe as green as Pizzaonia” declared Mr. Condrati
This follows the actions of pizza conglomerate, Pizza digogo diVinci, who was awarded the coveted “green certification” for all of their mozzarella producing dairy herds, by reducing the nitrogen emissions of their cows by 90 per cent. Minister Condrati declared at that time, “Our mozzarella pizza herds have the greenest dung in either universe.”
There is bound to be some political opposition to this latest development, however, since Brother Giovanni resigned as Supreme Pizzaonian, political power has shifted from the monasteries to the Ministry of Health.
What becoming “people green” entails is not quite clear. An unnamed source, willing to speak on the condition of anonymity, revealed that current plans call for Pizzaonians to be individually tested by measuring toxicity levels of saliva, urine and feces content. Each person will have to submit samples to the Ministry of Health.
If you pass you will be certified green and will be able to wear the “I am green” armband. Those who fail will have to submit to a strict, state regulated diet until they attain the minimum green standard.
At the end of his announcement, Mr. Condrati, adlibbed “even San Francisco will not be able to top this.”
More as it develops……..
Pizzaonian News Service where all the news is reported, whether it is news or not, without bias or inclination to check the facts.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at PIZZAONIAN@YAHOO.COM
SUBJECT: Pizzaonia slashes health care costs by 90 per cent
In a stunning announcement that took all of Pizzaonia by surprise Hypri Condrati, health minister for Pizzaonia, announced effective immediately all charges for health care by hospitals and physicians will by cut by ninety per cent. This dramatic and courageous move makes by decree all health care affordable for all Pizzaonians.
Pizzaonians had high praise for such government action. “This is what we expect from our leadership” said Pizzaonian philosopher, Robi Petertopaypauli.
Health care officials and physicians have yet to respond to this revolutionary development.
Pizzaonian News Service where all the news is reported, whether it is news or not, without bias or inclination to check the facts.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at PIZZAONIAN@YAHOO.COM
SUBJECT: Federal workers should make the same lousy pay as private sector employees.
In a voice filled with emotion, Pizzaonian Finance Minister, Havi NoCashi, said it was unfair to expect government employees to make the same lousy pay as private sector workers.
This statement was made to counter the recent furor over differences in pay scale for private and government employees.
Joei Protesti, leader of the private sector coalition said it was unfair for government workers to be making more money at taxpayer’s expense. “After all, we have been making lousy wages for years and watching our standard of living decrease while government workers are paid a decent salary. This is patently unfair.”
This argument is at the heart of the debate on economic stability that would face Pizzaonia if they had a government. There is no resolution in sight and this debate could determine the future of Pizzaonian monastery leadership for years to come.
We will report new developments as they happen.
Pizzaonian News Service where all the news is reported, whether it is news or not, without bias or inclination to check the facts.
Photo by Josette Lodato
After listening to the victory and concession speeches of last night’s winners and losers in our mid-term elections, I was reminded of Mark Twain’s comment in a similar situation.
''Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.'' Mark Twain
I believe he sums up the situation as well as anyone could.
Brother Giovanni