FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: PIZZAONIAN NEWS SERVICE (PNS)
Contact: Publicio Relationio at the PNS office of Public Relations at [email protected]
SUBJECT: Pizza to be considered as a controlled substance.
Today the American Pizza Alliance announced it will begin a campaign to have pizza declared a controlled substance and have it put under the control of the Worldonian (USA) Federal Drug Bureau of Narcotic Control (FDBNC).
This move was anticipated after it was discovered Pizzaonian Imperialism had taken complete control of Worldonian pizza production. Pizzaonian Mozzarella Pizzas are virtually irresistible, and since infiltrating the American pizza market under a variety of alias, Americans have become addicted to pizza consuming an average per capita 365 slices of pizza a year.
Ameri Patriati, head of the American Pizza Alliance was quoted as saying” that’s a hella of lot of pizza.” It seems that APA will now attempt to have Pizzaonia declared a terrorist nation since their “insidious takeover of the American pizza industry is a major factor in creating this nation's high rate of obesity.”
State department officials seem somewhat confused by this turn of events since there is no precedent for working with beta-world countries.
One issue on the table is to restrict portalization from Pizzaonia to Worldonia. Up to now the only criteria for qualifying for portalization to either world was the feeling that your life seemed like you were in a Woody Allen movie. Mr. Patriati said “this is obviously not enough since virtually everyone’s life feels like they are in a Woody Allen movie.”
It is paradoxical to find Pizzaonia, a country that exists without governments or wars, embroiled in such a heated and controversial confrontation.
More as it develops...........
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