"Pizzaonian Emerging" Courtesy of the Pizzaonian Art Museum, Abe Straction, curator
When in the United States did deciding to be a critic become as important as a person who chooses to accomplish something? Maybe the numbers of people who have chosen to “be all that they can be” have significantly increased to the point where it is simply easier to be a critic. There are so many easy targets available many reluctant faultfinders can no longer resist.
The possibilities for criticism become endless. Anyone who can scratch two words together and open a blog site is in business. Add to that you don’t have to build or create anything to be a critic – you get the idea.
So far today, 3,150,000 blogs appeared on the Internet. At least 1,150,000 probably dealt with some form of criticism. Beware you seekers of accomplishment, they are waiting for you and ready to bounce the minute you show your face or your work. So what do you do about it? Quit?
Hardly, particularly when you consider that at least one million of these blogs are so insignificant that they will never see the light of day beyond loving family members and very good friends – and for many of them even that is a stretch.
What makes being a critic easy is we have created a culture of “doing” that is so pervasive that virtually everyone has a story about what magnificent beginnings they are involved in as they set off on their journey to greatness. This is just too much for us critics to resist.
Of course, I would be remiss if I failed to point out that being a critic someone noticed is equivalent to winning the lottery. (I have just been advised that the odds of winning the lottery are much better.)
So all you would be doers relax. The odds of your being discovered by a critic, no matter how insignificant they may be, are about the same as your critic being discovered. So you see - you are very safe.
But you don’t want to be safe you scream back at the words on your screen! You want to be discovered! Of course, this is what most people say, until they are discovered.
Why would your opinion change after discovery? Well for one after you read or hear what the critics are saying about your work, you will go back and reread or replay what you are being criticized for to make sure they are talking about you.
The reason for this is simple. You don’t understand anything your critic is saying and you cannot be sure at this point they have the right person. This is how indistinguishable and garbled criticism is today. You are horrified at first. If you are going to be attacked it should at least be for something you have created.
Relax, you can be sure the critic is writing or talking about you. I know it is hard to believe. The good critics have discovered that sounding believable is the only requirement. The fact that it may be nonsense and unrelated to anything you have done or said is common. Get used it.
What is harder is when you learn that you have to pretend your particular critic is an intelligent human being in order to survive their onslaught. Not to realize this is the inevitable trap that all “doers” fall into and what gives critics, no matter how absurd they may be, their credibility.
"Criticizing the critic" is a “no-win” situation for any creator. This is the first lesson that must be learned. You never "criticize the critic" What do you do? The answer is not easy for most to accept, at least in the beginning. You talk about your work, without ever becoming defensive.
The catch is you discuss your work with words that are both unctuous and equaling as meaningless as the critic’s words. Yes, using words more patronizing than your critic is more important than making sense.
Believe me this is a true art form and takes time to perfect, and in its own way, may be more creative than anything else you do. Now you have the secret. Practice is important. Don’t enter this arena unprepared. However, if you take the time to learn how to use impressive words about your work that essentially say nothing; you are ready for the fight – and yes, eventual success.
Abe Surdity, Critic and Criticism Editor for “The Pizzaonian” a publication 0f the Pizzaonian Newsertainment Network. Diverti Mento, editor “Where we criticize the critics.”
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