An exercise that all novice monks in Brother Franco’s class are asked to do is to write about any regrets they may have about how well they applied themselves to life’s various tasks prior to coming to Pizzaonia.
They then turn their comments in anonymously to be shared by the class. Here is one example we would like to share with you. All comments are as written with no editing or changes.
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To my new brothers and sisters:
Is there anything scarier than having to write about yourself and having nothing to write about? The problem I suspect is when you don’t have it in you to be honest with yourself. Honesty requires a certain amount of personal courage that most of us, quite frankly, don’t have. How do you deal with this?
Well if nothing else, you write anyway.
Coincidentally, before I came here this morning, I was thinking about my life and what I have accomplished. Since much of it is behind me, the subject of regrets entered my consciousness. Do I have regrets? Of course, I do. I should add here that I am satisfied with my life in general. I feel I have done my best, for the most part. Well, this isn’t completely true. There were times when I was competent simply because I was naturally good at what I was doing. Is this the secret? Just stick with things that you are naturally good at? Yes, of course you should.
However, the real question is how good you could have become if you had worked harder at what you were competent at rather than just doing it naturally, like breathing or walking – something we do without having to think about it. I am sure you get my point.
Be honest with yourself, can you relate to this. Have you always done your best? To be redundant, I am talking about things you do well. Did you study extra hard? Did you strive continually to get better? On the other hand, did you simply steer your boat as it easily floated downstream. I confess I did a lot of steering as I floated downstream.
I have to be careful here not to be too hard on myself. One of the things driving this conversation is the constant bombardment we get daily on how to “be the best we can be.” As a matter of fact, it has become a full-grown industry. How many people make a good living (I presume they are working hard at it) constantly reminding us to “reach for the stars?” You can’t listen to these people for long without thinking of how well you apply yourself to the things you do.
However, again I cannot help but speculate, if there are to be regrets it probably will be in the area of things we do well but know in our heart, we could’ve done a lot more if we had worked harder. How many times have we seen people of average talent who wanted to do something so badly they sacrificed everything to get better than what their natural talent allowed them to be? You see this all the time in athletics. Their desire to play is so overwhelming they will pay any price to accomplish their goal. And as a result you see excellence in all they do.
Just imagine if you had applied this attitude to something that you already did well. Greatness may have defined your life. You could have been remembered as being one of the best that ever did what you do. And if not that, certainly be remembered not only within your own consciousness but by others as a person who deserved to be considered as someone who made significant contributions to your community.
Now that would be a nice way to be remembered.
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