"Pizzaonia Emerging" Pizzaonian Monasteries - Courtesy of the PizzaonianArt Institute - Abe Straction, curator
Previously:
The Pizzaonian Institute for Vocational Education released today its eight-point, reference guide for more effective demagoguery. This quick study, eight-point guide is part of the updating provided to graduates of our Purveyors of Doom (POD) certificated program for alumni seeking employment in the American radio and television markets.
As we have pointed out in the past, in the United States reporting on national disasters, murder, mayhem, political and corporate sexual and financial scandals are no longer enough to keep the public interested. Many professionals were at a loss in attempting to keep their ratings and jobs. And then they discovered demagoguery.
Creating a moral majority of one.
It takes a special human being to be a moral majority of one. Certainly, no rationale, reasonable person can qualify. To be convincing to a gullible majority of people while preaching an oxymoron, you have to be totally committed to deceit as an art form.
There are no known academies or universities that specialize in teaching the art of deceit; however, many do practice it regularly. Though there is high demand for such a curriculum, no institution dares to advertise they specialize in a subject that the public would not accept. As a result, this shady discipline is now taught as political science.
For those seeking a respectable institution that will train you in the more advanced techniques in Machiavellian political methods, several prestigious universities in the eastern United States come to mind.
In a recent study at our Institute, we discovered that the most likely candidates to succeed in this field are paranoid idealists who wet their beds as children.
Many of our most successful demagogues served internships as political consultants to obtain practical knowledge, and our Institute highly recommends this experience for all who seek demagoguery as a full-time career.
The ability to be seen as a majority of one requires the ability to speak with conviction regardless of how absurd what you are saying maybe. This requires long hours of training. This is not for the faint-hearted. The personality conducive to self-delusion is well suited for this aspect of demagoguery.
You can see the overlap in the skill sets we are examining. Many of the required talents are variations of the same theme. However, in the mastering of the subtleties of each skill set, rests the secrets of the master demagogues. None of these skills are more important than to be able to bear the slings and arrows of those who oppose you.
Regardless of how correct your critics are – regardless of how absurd your position is – learning to speak firmly with conviction and stand with dignity as the slings and arrows come at you will create a willing target audience that will follow you.
Our guest demagogues who speak at our vocational Institute tell us there are real satisfactions in watching their detractors squirm with frustration when they are unable to counter their positions, regardless of how many facts they use. Being right has no place here. Seeming to be credible, regardless of how ridiculous your position is, will always keep your believers believing. This is the real art of demagoguery.
Creating the conspiracy
Planning – planning – planning is the key here. Before one can sell a conspiracy, you must know and study your target audience. This requires an empathy and knowledge of the culture and traditions of your intended market. In fact, if you were not a demagogue, you could very easily be one of them. And, this is the key. Before the conspiracy can be sold, you must be part of the fabric of the culture you are going to con.
Historically, demagoguery is most successful when a culture is facing uncertain times. These conditions are the fertilizer that nourishes the seeds of hate and distrust necessary for you to succeed. Pick your time and place wisely. It is crucial to your success.
HAPPY DEMAGOGUERY!
Brother Giovanni
opd8133
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