Pizzaonia emerging - Courtesy of the Pizzaonan Art Institute, Abe Straction, curator
As more people seek political office in the United States, the Pizzaonian Vocational Institute is now receiving an unprecedented number of requests about our POD (Purveyors of Doom) certified course in Demagoguery. We are reprinting this by popular request.
The Pizzaonian Institute for Vocational Education released today its eight-point, reference guide for more effective demagoguery. This quick study, eight-point guide is part of the updating provided to graduates of our Purveyors of Doom (POD) certificated program for alumni seeking employment as a politician or in the American radio and television markets.
As we have pointed out in the past, in the United States reporting on national disasters, murder, mayhem, political and corporate sexual and financial scandals are no longer enough to keep the public interested. Many professionals were at a loss in attempting to keep their ratings and jobs. And then they discovered demagoguery.
In the beginning, any demagoguery would do, but as more and more trained PODS entered the market, the quality of the competition grew as well. Now the field is filled with trained professionals that make Goebbels look like an amateur.
It is vital to understand that if you are going to be an entrepreneurial demagogue, you will have to find a liberal democracy to practice your profession. In dictatorships, demagogues only work for the government. This limits the opportunities available as well the creative challenges you may be seeking.
Eight- points for better entrepreneurial demagoguery
Being sincere and believable
Creating the enemy
Creating the Savior
Becoming a willing martyr
Willingness to sacrifice
Creating a moral majority of one
Bearing the slings and arrows
Creating the conspiracy
This will be a two part series. Today we will cover 1 - 5
Before you read you may be asking, why me?
Because in your heart you know you are a natural at reinforcing and mastering the language of hate.
1. Being sincere and believable - Demagogues must seem to be sincere no matter how absurd their ideas may be. One cannot maintain credibility without conveying a deep sense of moral conviction mixed in with well-orchestrated outrage. It helps if you can convince yourself that what you are saying is true, regardless of how wrong you may be.
Effective demagoguery is particularly suited to the sociopathic personality.
2. Creating the enemy - It is not enough to spread discontent. You must find a scapegoat responsible for the discontent. You cannot spread hate in the abstract. It must have a face and be easily assimilated by your target audience. Before beginning your career as a POD you might spread some time looking for a target audience with a minimum of intelligence. The problem here is that they cannot just be stupid; they also must be reasonably well-off. At one time this was a very difficult combination to find, but is no longer the case in many parts of the world.
3. Creating the Savior - Developing a believable messianic personality is critical for success. At our vocational institute, we found it necessary to include a semester of method acting to our POD curriculum. Convincing your audience that you were destined to be their savior is part of the job description. Here is where it gets tricky. Not only do you have to be their savior; you have to be willing to suffer as well.
It is important to mention here that the suffering can never be physical for obvious reasons. You cannot disguise real, physical suffering. This must be avoided at all costs. Suffering must come to you in a mental way that makes it seem you are bearing a huge burden to save your people.
As you become wealthier, you will be indulging yourself with many of the pleasures that only the well-off can afford. You can never indulge in luxury pleasures for their own sake. It must always seem to be a necessary diversion that allows you to endure the mental anguish you are always pretending to feel. This is not easy to do. Only the most accomplished demagogues succeed in this area. It is important to always show a flash of angst at the right moment – the moment will often present itself when you are enjoying yourself the most. There is no time to think here - only the best master the “moment’s notice angst technique.”
4. Becoming a willing martyr - I must warn you this next section is not for amateurs. As it has happened in the past, if you give the impression that you are disposed to die for your cause, someone might expect you to do it. Being agreeable to accept martyrdom but never allowing yourself to be put into the position of letting it happen is tricky. Many of our professors at the Institute do not believe you can teach this. This most extraordinary type of demagoguery must create a level of deception that only the “truly” talented attain. Suffice it to say, if you choose to practice in this arena make sure you are the best – nothing less will do.
5. Willingness to sacrifice - Making it clear to all that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for your cause is one talent all demagogues master instinctively. Please note, this is quite different than martyrdom. Our experience at the Institute over the years has taught us to focus more on methodology than intent. The successful practitioner will be very prosperous. How then do you sacrifice and be immensely rich at the same time?
The technique that has been the most successful is what we call “isolation.” Here is how it works. Find something you love to do. One of our most successful practitioners loves the sea. Here is how he practices “isolation.”
He has convinced his audience he is a wanted man who is always in danger for his willingness to expose corruption in high places. Since he carries such a burden daily, he needs some relief if he is to continue his messianic role. The answer in his case was easy. He bought a luxury, deep water yacht that is capable of sailing around the world. As a result, he can withdraw from the world in royal splendor on his ship, so he can rest in safety in order to continue the good fight. His public never questions this. Hard to believe – you would think so, but this remains one of the most successful of the isolation methods.
More later .............
John Frank Giovanni, commenting for "The Pizzaonian" a division of the Pizzaonian Newsertainment Network, Diverti Mento, editor Related articles
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